There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
