strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
