May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
