nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
