i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
