so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
