We won't sleep together?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
