actually, I'm a sock model
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
