At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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