I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
