There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
