Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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