How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
