Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
