The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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