The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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