this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
