This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
