he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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