nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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