He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
