in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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