why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
