i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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