dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
