Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
sex in a hospital.. check
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
