how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
