You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You were trust falling into bushes
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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