At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
