Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
