Cold hands, warm shart.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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