remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
