DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
