just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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