About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
