yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm like, not good at living.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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