wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
