He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If I die, sorry about rent.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
