It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
