I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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