omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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