Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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