So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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