I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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