You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
