I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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