K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I will die if light touches me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
