Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
