Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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