She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
