Small penises have feelings too.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Randomize
