Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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