is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
