Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize