we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
oh god the rape fog is back!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Randomize
