We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
