stop calling my apartment porn island.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
