I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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