I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
