You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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