you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize