i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
no, he came in my armpit
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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